tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
