Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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