holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
