We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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