I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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