how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
