So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
