do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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