is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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