he thought i was a dude.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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