Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
