he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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