I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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