Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
