Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
