I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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