god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
