don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
