Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
