can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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