Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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