I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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