my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
