hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
