my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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