My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm getting married
To pizza
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize