SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
