roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
