Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
