You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Less talking, more tequila
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
