And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
