There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
