i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
