I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This house was built for laser tag.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
