and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
