@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
