It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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