tonight lets celebrate not being married
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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