Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Best friends brother. Beat that.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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