Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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