i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it because I queefed?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
