Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
