Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
