Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he puts the penis in happiness.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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