i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
