new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
