Small penises have feelings too.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
