Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
