Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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