I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
