God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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