I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
