Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
