I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
