the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
