We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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