My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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