I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
