That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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