Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
me + whiskey = a bad person
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
