Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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